Curse of the Machines

Once upon a time in a land . . .well, not that far off actually. It was right here on the school campus. Well, actually, it takes place elsewhere, but the main reasoning has to do with Concordia. Here, let me explain...

Leah (that's me!) was working in Campbell River at the time. It was a day like any other day. It was June 21st, which is not her birthday despite what some people would believe. Instead, it was a day full of planning for Vacation Bible School, meetings, and LOTS of photocopying. It seemed her days were filled with photocopying. And that is where the trouble began that fine day.

After meeting with the advertising leader, Leah went to photocopy seashells. Now it would be cool if photocopiers could copy real seashells, but alas, they cannot. No, Leah was photocopying outlines that the kids could cut out, color, and hang from a mobile. It was one of the craft supplies for Vacation Bible School. Leah set up the photocopier so that it started making the copies. Because she had a lot of copying to do, she decided to just leave it alone while she did some work in the office. So Leah went back to the office, located across the front of the sanctuary from the photocopy room.

Back in the office, she began to write out a bunch of "to-do" lists and prepared for the last 2 hours at work that day. Her friends would not have recognized her in her list mode because she became quite obsessed over these lists. So much so, that her friends would not have recognized her.

BLAM! PITHGKTHUD! SHPURTH! SHHHhhhhhh.

"What the....heck....was that?" she exclaimed, choosing her words carefully because...well duh! She's in a church. Sheesh guys, it's not complicated.

Anyways, back to the story.

Leah bolts out of her chair, runs through the door (almost running into it WHILE open...yes "while" open), dashes across the sanctuary, and into the photocopy room where she then becomes speechless. Yes, what she saw left her speechless...of course she can be left speechless...well, just cuz it doesn't happen often doesn't mean it doesn't happen at all! Man you guys...story? Oh yeah! The story! Ok here we go.

So once upon a time in a land....what?! Oh...you already heard this?...oh yeah. Sorry. Ahem! Speechless, right.

So Leah was speechless, for you see, the room was just fine. It was as if nothing had happened; it was the way she had left it. The photocopier was even still going. Leah was quite puzzled.

"What is going on around here? Maybe it was something else in the church" she thought. So she wandered through the rest of the church, which didn't take long as it is not very big. She did not find anything. Nobody broke in, the furnace was fine, and there was nobody else in the building. She was all alone. How sad. And so lonely. Wait...wrong story. No sadness or lonliness!

"This is really weird, but maybe I just heard something or...ummm...yeah, I don't know. But I have to get back to work."

Leah was really confused, but she needed to get her work done. So she climbed up the back stairs (as her confusion had led her to the basement/fellowship hall downstairs) and headed back to her office. On her way there, however, she noticed that the photocopier had stopped making noise, which would then indicate that her photocopying was done. No guys, nothing major is going to happen. Photocopiers do eventually stop copying when it's done. Silly people.

Leah, instead of heading to the office, went into the photocopy room. Sure enough, the copying was done. So she gathered up her stuff and took them to the office.

BLAM! PITHGKTHUD! SHPURTH! SHHHhhhhhh.

"What the heck? Again? I'm not even using the copier!" she proclaimed in frustration.

So she went to find the noise and ended up back in the photocopy room because that is where the noise came from. Again there was nothing. So she proceded to search the church again, except when she did...

Bthhringgg! Beepthabbeep! Briinthgg!

Leah dashes to the office, confused yet again. It sounded like the phone, but it was not the normal ring. Once she got there, she picked it up,

"Hello?"

No answer.

"Hello, hello?"

Again no answer.

"This is really really weird" she thought, "First the photocopier and now the phone. What is going on here?"

She sat in her chair, contemplating her predicament. It was the weirdest thing ever. Eventually, when she realized nothing else was going on, she pulled out her lists and thought about what else needed to be done.

FRRTHRRT! SPPZZZTTH!

"Not again! What now?"

She turned around and it went silent. It was as if nothing was amuck. Looking around the room, Leah realized the only thing it could have been was the computer.

"Great" she thought, "Now you're at it too. Maybe I should just go home. I'll start fresh tomorrow."

So, with that, she packed up her things, left a note for the pastor explaining what was going on, and went home.

As Leah walked through the door, she could hear chatter going on inside. Now this wasn’t any normal chatter. No, you could tell by the tone that this was one of Melissa’s stories from work Now this is also the same tone that Leah’s brother uses when coming home from his work too. It must be a fast food working thing. But because Leah recognized this chatter, she knew that Melissa had also had an interesting day at work.

As she walked in the door, she heard, “…and the customer would not stop yelling at us and the manager. He just could not accept our apology….oh hi Leah. I was just telling my parents about work.”

“It’s sounds like you had a pretty big day too. What happened?”

“Well, work was fine until all of a sudden all these weird noises were going on. We just couldn’t figure out where they were coming from” Melissa explained. “And then when we thought it was fine, a customer came to the drive thru and ordered and then just started swearing up a storm at us. We couldn’t figure out why! Well, until he came inside that is. He continued his swearing and yelling at us, at which point the manager came out to see what was going on. We still hadn’t figured it out because he couldn’t break long enough in his limited language to explain. But, thankfully, our manager was able to calm in down. This is when we found out that the drive thru machine [it was an electronic one] had called him an ‘(enter bad word here) (enter another bad word here) pervert’. He was convinced that once of us had done this. But we hadn’t. Mom, I don’t know how this could have happened. Even the manager thought it was us because she was convinced that there was no other way it could have been on the sign. But it wasn’t us honest. Well, eventually she thought it was the other girl on because she tends to get into trouble and I don’t. But I know that it wasn’t her because she was with me the whole time! I just don’t know what happened! Oh Leah….you said “too”. Why did you say “too”?”

“Ummmm…well…I had a very strange day myself. Actually, quite similar to yours because I had issues with machines at work too” was Leah’s reply.

As Leah continued to explain herself you could see the puzzled looks on everyone’s faces growing. They were just as confused and at a loss for words as well. Yes, Melissa too was speechless….do we have to have this argument again…I don’t want to lose track of the story yet again…Fine! I’ll get back to the story….so there!

As I was saying, people were really puzzled and at a loss of words over the incidences going on. There was talk of checking the news after supper, but there wasn’t a lot to be seen there. It was just more fighting in the Middle East and stupid politics everywhere. So Leah decided to go to bed. She was full from supper, still confused as ever, and just wanting to put the day behind her. So off to bed she went.

When Leah got up in the morning, everyone was already gone to work. Well, everyone except Melissa; she was still sleeping. Leah thought that maybe nothing had happened yesterday. “Maybe it was all a dream” she thought.

When she got into work, she looked around and everything seemed normal. So, she went straight to work. Shortly after arriving, Pastor Tom (from now on known as PT) walked into the office to check his messages.

“How’s it going, Leah? Getting lots done?” asked PT.

“Well, for the most part. I did end up leaving early yesterday…I think. I may have dreamed that part” Leah responded.

“Oh yeah? You think? Ok. It wasn’t to go swimming again was it” he said with a smirk, “cuz I can’t let you take too many swim days.” They laughed and then proceded to get back to work.

After awhile, PT said, “Leah, you were having trouble with stuff yesterday?”

“Yes” she replied, “I thought maybe I was dreaming, but I guess not cuz you got my note.”

“What was going on?”

“I was having issues with the photocopier and…” and Leah told him the whole story of yesterday.

“Well” replied PT “first off, our photocopier doesn’t like cardstock [which is what Leah used for the seashells], but other than that, I don’t know. Maybe just see what happens today.”

“Yeah, that’s kinda what I was planning on. Oh, and thanks for the tidbit about the cardstock. I didn’t know.”

“Ok, well now you do. Anyways, I have visitations. I’ll see ya later.”

And with that PT left and Leah continued on with her work. But it wasn’t long before things were making noises again. Again Leah was just as confused as before.

And this continued for days, which stretched into weeks. It was discovered that Melissa’s work was having the same trouble, as was her parents’ work, and it became known on the news that this was happening worldwide. It was the weirdest problem to hit the airwaves, and even they were having difficulty with their broadcasts due to this issue. It was like a collage of TV programs being shown in one program; you’d have ER for a blip and then The PowerPuff Girls, and so on. Some thought it was a virus that had plagued the computers, but that didn’t explain the phones and photocopiers and such. Others of course thought it was the end of the world, but alas, there was no sight of Jesus anywhere.

Thankfully people were still able to get their work done. There would have been mass chaos had that not been the case; it would have been a global shut down. Even though people were able to get work done, it was still quite annoying and difficult to deal with.

One morning, July 15th, Leah went into the office. Again she was preparing for the worst – machines being out of whack – and sure enough she was right….yes she was right…it’s my story….just cuz you don’t think she could be right, doesn’t mean that in MY story she’s not….ugh…back to the story.

And this continued for days, which stretched into we….again?! I forgot my spot again? Fine…where was I then?...Leah was right….hah, I made you say it! Ok, ok.

Leah was about fed up with this. She was sick of all these problems. But what could she do?

PT, who happened to be in that morning, could notice it was bugging her. “Are you ok Leah? You seem really stressed lately.”

“I’m just frustrated” was her reply. “Me being stressed is not out of the ordinary [it really wasn’t…I’m sure you could agree with that statement at least!]. I just am fed up with these stupid machines. There’s a reason why I don’t like technology.”

All of a sudden:

BLAM! PITHGKTHUD! SHPURTH! SHHHhhhhhh.
Bthhringgg! Beepthabbeep! Briinthgg!
FRRTHRRT! SPPZZZTTH!

All at the same time, all the machines were going at it. Leah ducked under her desk and screamed, PT ran here there and everywhere trying to figure out what to do, and both were even more confused than what they had been the last few weeks. Yes, Leah was confused again…doesn’t take much I know.

And then it stopped. Just like that it stopped. Silence. And weeping…wait, no weeping. Only Leah saying, “is it safe to come out yet?” in her tiniest voice possible.

After several moments, Leah came out and PT sat back down. There was no explaination. None.

“Leah, I’m sending you home. You’ve had enough for one day. Go and play your guitar or sleep or something. I don’t want you having a breakdown or anything.”

So Leah went, no questions asked….who asks when their boss tells them to go home for a break? She went home and she took a nap. Many naps actually. She was sick of reality and that was her escape. She napped all day, until after supper, which then she went to bed.

The next morning she awoke, quite groggy from too much sleep. She dreaded the idea of going to work. But she knew she had to. So she did. While at work, nothing happened. That’s right, nothing. Well, except that the work that Leah needed to get done was getting done without any hassle. That’s right, no hassle, no noise. Things were normal for once.

“What is going on?” thought Leah, but then she thought it was better to not question anything because the problems might start up again.

But they didn’t. The didn’t ever start up again and Leah successfully completed all her tasks for the summer, and with the help of God and friends, the Vacation Bible was awesome. And nobody ever heard a weird peep from the machines. Even the people on the news, and the so called “experts”, were confused. But nobody complained. Everyone was happy to have the normalcy back (But really is normal?).

Leah eventually went back to Edmonton and back to school where she saw her friends. She started work at the library again, and life went on.

One day at work, her coworker made a statement that made Leah turn cold. “This thing is possessed. I swear it!”

“Are you sure?” Leah asked. She felt that was a pretty strong statement. Who could blame her after the trouble from the summer.

“Well, it’s problematic, but not like this summer. Don’t worry about it” was the coworker’s response.

With that, Alyson walked in and began chatting it up with Leah, sharing all the summer adventures, including the tale of how Alyson’s blanket (actually belonging to Scottie) was stolen and then returned…but that’s a story for another time